Trust Is the Name of the Game

I am a woman who, through trust in inner sources of love and acceptance, has transcended a crippling and supposedly fatal disease to achieve complete health and wholeness. Throughout most of my life, I suffered from Anterior Horn Cell disease, a progressive, degenerative neurological condition originating in the gray matter of the spinal cord, which doctors told me would leave me completely crippled by age twenty-five, and end my life by forty. Physically, this meant I was locked inside a body slowly collapsing inward, losing muscle mass in my arms and pulling the tendons of my hands into the shape of claws. After eighteen surgeries, I made a decision to step out of the medical box and explore energetic healing modalities. I was guided through that experience by remarkable healers. I understood the possibility of healing lies in the psyche and takes root where disunion between mind and body ceases to exist. Many others who face physical challenges stemming from emotional injury, as I did, might recognize themselves in my story.

One of my initial healing experiences was with Jon, who became a healer refusing to believe doctors who predicted he would be a paraplegic following an accident, and who healed himself through the practice of Qigong, a powerful Chinese system of energy medicine. He told me that my spine looked like a train wreck. Apparently I had suffered an injury to my brain when I was around five years old, which was likely the cause of the ongoing problems with my hands. My first healing session with him ultimately led to me to believe that the disease located in my spinal cord wasn’t what the doctors had said it was. And rather, it had to do with deep-seated issues of abandonment and fear. And the healing messages were clear: as I healed my soul, I would heal the phenomenon with me that had caused my hands to shut down. Jon also told me that I would not only heal but I would bring healing to others.

At the beginning of our next session, Jon asked me what I wanted to do in my life. He suggested I keep the door open to all opportunities, even those I hadn’t considered. After the session he asked me a great question: “What are you going to do to open the door? Let the universe know you want to serve others, and it will happen. Just open the door, and stop trying to figure everything out rationally. In other words, get out of your head.”

I told Jon I wanted to bring my story, my wisdom, my open heart, and myself to children who were in discomfort or crisis. I was beginning to formulate a plan that involved working with families to open parent-child communication and foster understanding. “I have only one question for you,” Jon replied. “Why aren’t you out there doing it? The truth is that you wear your heart on your sleeve, which is an asset for the work you’ll be doing. You have emotional issues to clear first, and then the physical will heal.”

My next healing experience was with Carol, a seer from northern Virginia. Carol told me I should get ready for my life to change. “Everything you do in this lifetime will be aligned with the deepest compassion, which you’ll express in the world.”

But despite the steady flow of confirmations and affirmations from healers and psychics, I continued to deal with deep-seated issues of abandonment and fear that continued to present themselves. I yearned for my sister’s and my mother’s love, but I slowly recognized that opening to inner sources of love and acceptance was more important than receiving others’ approval. As I stayed in my truth, my authentic self, I learned to allow others to be who they were and not how they responded to me.

Soon afterward, I noticed I could hold my fork with a perfect grip. I used my left hand, even though I was technically right-handed, but I held the fork perfectly. I noticed that my fingers looked a little straighter, and I could hold a pen between my right thumb and index finger, having gained slight movement in my right thumb at the first joint. I was overwhelmed with joy, and a smile lit up my face as I said, “Thank you, God.” A wave of excitement ran through me every time I noticed that my physical functioning had improved in the slightest way. These minor miracles confirmed that I was on the right path.

Finally, at age fifty, I drove to Boston to visit my hand surgeon, Mark, whom I hadn’t visited in quite some time. I had postponed my annual visits because my hands were changing, and I wanted him to see me when my fingers were absolutely straight. I knew this would be a monumental moment for me.

As I sat in the examining room waiting for Mark, I felt excited and even a bit anxious. When he came in, we chatted for a few minutes, and then I proudly held out my hands and said, “Look at this!” He examined my hands and said, “It’s a miracle! Keep doing whatever you’ve been doing. This is truly a miracle.”

Mark commented that my joints looked better, and he didn’t see any reason why my hands wouldn’t continue to improve. He was awestruck by how straight my fingers were. When he tested me with the dynamometer, used to measure muscle strength, my right hand went from zero to six pounds, and my left hand from six to eight pounds. Encouraged by my progress, he believed I would continue to restore muscle strength.

“I always believed that the mind, body, and emotions were connected,” he said. “And by the look of things, you’ve emptied out lots of emotional baggage you were carrying. I’ve never witnessed such a dramatic turnaround, and I simply can’t explain it. I’m so happy for you!”

I hugged Mark and promised to return in a few years. As I closed the door behind me, a flood of emotions surfaced. This hospital where I had experienced so much pain and so much fear was now behind me forever. As decades of physical and psychological suffering flashed before my eyes, I said good-bye to the Laura who was filled with disease and who needed medical intervention to survive. Energetically I felt different; I no longer belonged there, for I had transformed into a completely different person. As I drove away, I cried for the miracle that had taken place in my life. Having Mark witness my transformation was indeed a special moment for me.

As I boldly stepped forward, I became interested in hands-on healing and energetic table work. I was awestruck by the psychic information and energetic release that came from a reading or a healing. On this journey to the heart of the soul, I was finding my true self. These incredible experiences were awakening and enlivening my inner core. What started as a quest to heal my hands became an opportunity to awaken my heart. I had healed enough to step out and become the healer I truly was.